The horny advertising of not so horny Game Of Sultans

Every time I log into Instagram I see the ad of this game, it’s been like that for a month so far, and what can I say, this thing seems horny for me. Look, it actualls has included text like “my girlfriend’s character is already queen!” Whose girlfriend? I only will find out, if I play.

Turned out, it’s not actually that horny. On the advertising screens, it looked like this would be a game about having children and then marrying them off. Having played my fair share of Princess Maker and Long Live The Queen, I thought I might as well give it a shot. Spoiler alert: that is not what the game is about.

So, what the real gameplay is?

In the beginning of Game Of Sultans, you will learn that you’re a prince and you father is dying, you actually stand at his deathbed. You suppose to ascend as sultan soon. You also can name your cahracter, and I hit the random button until it landed on Hardy Castenada. An appropriate name, in my opinion.

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From there, you enter menu, and I’m telling you, this is a hell. You can’t even unlock the ability to get married until you’ve played through most of the tutorial. Game Of Sultans is about raising the overall strength of your empire, so the ad seems to be a fraud. You train your viziers, which you do by spending the gold coins. You earn your gold by either levying them—an option nested under the Imperial Parliament screen, which can be completed if you tape a button—or win battles on the campaign. In order to win, you must have soldiers, which you can also earn by levying them.

During battles, you’re not fighting, you’re just matching up a bunch of numbers, like the number of soldiers you have or your overall power’ number, against the numbers of the enemy. Are yours higher than their numbers? Cool then, just put your phone down and wait till the game has finished it’s about a minute’s worth of dull animations.

Game Of Sultans have a lot to discover. I spent a healthy amount of time over the past day or so, I’m still finding something new. You can join Unions with other players, or you can have your Viziers fight other players’ Viziers in the Arena. You can gain allies from other nations, who will give you gifts. Also, all the players in the game collectively wear their health down.

But what about wives and offsprings?

The beautiful ladies and their children won’t appear that much. You have one wife in the beginning, Canfeza the Dancer, and I got another one while leveling up.

You’re able to find new wives via random encounters in The Masquerade, you can visit it three times every couple of hours. As you visit your wives it raise their charm and intimacy with you, and also gives the chance they will give you a baby. I’ve had four so far, and one of them became an adult. All you need to do to raise children is feed them, and they will age fast. You only get food for your kids every two hours, but that’s enough to raise at least one to an adult and find him a wife. He seems pretty happy!

I’m spending so much time on this game only  just for the chance to have more babies. The ads really made me want to have a big family and somehow I’m gonna do it. But you can’t visit your wives or raise your children too often, you’re able to visit a couple times every few hours a day. Of course, unless you pay real money to buy packs of items that will break temporarily all the timers. Actually, EVERYTHING in this game is on a timer, and some of them are three hours long. Not only do I want this game to be hornier in a figurative sense, but also, in a literal sense. Hardy probably should have a shorter refractory period than three hours.

I still have Game Of Sultans on my phone and I still want to see what my babies will look like when they are all grown. While I’m waiting when all my timers will reset, I should probably just start a new game of Princess Maker. That one is not going to make me wait all day just to see my lovely wife.